under pressure

The last few weeks I have been a little stressed about things. Since we had the "flood" at our house, we've been recovering and trying to keep up in life with work and church and family. We've done a halfway decent job... I stress halfway. ..but I never seem to be able to get ahead enough that I can feel like I can relax. Each day my "to do" list seems to get longer, and the dark clouds of "stuff" loom like a thunderstorm waiting to happen.

I am sure that at least some of you can relate to me. I don't know what it is about me... but when I don't feel like I am gaining ground, I experience what the Germans call "angst". It's a word for fear or anxiety... but it really is much more than that. It is a word that describes an intense emotional strife. It is always there, just under the surface, when I feel under pressure. And this entire month, I have felt the presence of angst...constantly lurking.

I know that lots of people experience stressful times in life. I do not single-handledly hold the reigns of stress. But, have you ever noticed that when tension occurs in one area of life, it is bearable if you have another area that is unstrained? It seems that for everyone that "constant" is a different scenario. My constant is my home.

Now I'm admitting something here...so you have to bear with me. I don't care about appearance to other people. BELIEVE ME. But, there is something about having my home in order that gives me peace. I have battled with why this is for years... tried to call myself a freak... and let things go. But, the truth is... I have to have order or I flip out. In recent years, I have realized that it is one of those things that stems from my childhood. Not that my mother was organized at all. In fact, just the opposite. Our family life was always chaotic in every sense of the word.

Last night, I had a breakthrough with my level of stress. I'll tell you about it the next time I blog. It deserves its own entry.