Thursday, October 30, 2008

a memo to all staff

(re-circulated without permission)

Dear Employees of our company -

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will install a few new policies, which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."

2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.

4.The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it's workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."

5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."

6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want, even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

Sorry bloggers - not meant to offend anyone - I just can't keep quiet about politics all the time. Give me a break - tis the season! ;)

5 comments:

melanie said...

spew it out.

politics suck.

but i want a haircut.

you should run next term.

Heth said...

I just love this kind of stuff.

And I'm with Mel. Politics suck. I'd vote for Tina.

Mel, maybe we should write her in next week.

Tina said...

that's so funny.
someone actually called my house the other day and asked shawn some questions about the judges.
he said he was going to write us in.
crack me up.
i could add that to my resume... ran for president. hehe

Anonymous said...

I was just reading funny blogs about costumes and then I come to yours and now i am all steamed! If that guy gets elected...grrrrr!
I was going to go have some coffee, but after reading this, I better go have some ice water, ha, ha! I need to go see the nuts at acorn and see if I can vote more than once. Graeat, I said that? Now I better not sign my name.....

nicole said...

i got an email about this the other day-to pray about it because people are getting really bad feelings what may happen IF.... was an interesting email and will forward if you want...LMK