Certain things in life are easily forgettable... I can't remember what I ate for supper last Wednesday.... I can't remember what I did last weekend, and for the life of me, I can't remember if I put the clothes in the dryer before I left the house this morning. Other things, are etched in my mind so clearly that I can close my eyes and smell the smells and hear the sounds.
I can remember my junior year of high school, I wore gray corduroy pants and a fuzzy light pink sweater with my pink and gray oxford shoes. My sweater had these pearl buttons that I thought were so delicate and dainty and I looked all over to find the perfect pair of faux pearl earrings to wear that would compliment the outfit perfectly.
I can recall with the utmost detail the night I accepted Christ as my Savior in the backseat of a car in a restaurant parking lot in the wee hours of the morning with a man that would one day become my husband. In those days, there were many things people did in the back seat of the car .... but we prayed and prayed and prayed. I will always remember the sound of his guitar strumming worship tunes softly as we quietly gave thanks to the Father for sending Jesus to save me, a sinner, from what I surely deserved.
And today, as I reminisce over a life all those years ago... I can recall today 21 years ago. The things that some would consider trivial, I memorized as much as I could, and held onto with every breath.
As I sat in the hospital room 21 years ago today, as I recall I had an almost surreal experience of realizing that I was a mom. My first precious - perfect - baby. I don't remember what I did in those two days in the hospital other than admire the petite features of the creation before me and wonder how this frail little person would make it with a mom who had absolutely no idea what she was doing.
Even today, 21 years later, I can still smell the baby smells, and hear the coos and gurgles that amazed and surprised me. I can still feel the overwhelming feeling of the responsibility given to me by God to attempt to raise a child who would love and honor and worship Him. I felt in so many ways that I was still a child as well. And yet, God believed in me.
Throughout the next 21 years, I would learn how to fall on my knees and rely on the Father who believed in me. During the feedings in the dead of night when I swore my body fell asleep in between breaths, the toddler years of testing my patience, the addition of more girls to our young family, the adolescent years of stubbornness, and the teenage years of rebellion, I relied on my God to offer direction and guidance, incessantly reminding Him that this was His idea.
I smile today knowing that 21 years later, I still know absolutely nothing about being a mom. Each experience of Haleigh's life has taken me one step further into the unknown... I feel like Peter walking on water to Jesus, unsure and unsteady... but trusting as much as humanly possible.
All those years of falling to my knees can now cause me to say that I am proud of my God. He did well by me. He came through for Haleigh many times, offering wisdom and guidance through a mom who doesn't know, but knows who does.
And as Haleigh finishes college, and finds a job, and starts a family, and presses on toward her future, I realize that my experience means some... but in the scope of this world, really very little. The older I get, the less I know.... But, I know who does. He's the One who was, and is, and is to come.
Happy Birthday sweetheart. You came into this life a precious tiny child of God, and today as you worship the Lord in all that you do, realize that you are still His precious tiny child... and He (and I) loves you so tenderly.