Honest Award

I have two different tags that I haven't gotten to for the last couple of weeks, so today is the tag day. I will post twice in one day. Now that's amazing.

So...RULES OF THE HONEST SCRAP AWARD

(first of all... pretty tricky calling it an award let me say)

When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you - which would be my lovely darling truth telling friend Mel. , and link them back, which I did, but I'll do it again here.

Choose a blog that you find to be totally honest in content and visuals. There are a lot, but since she chose me in the next meme I will do after this one, I choose Santa's Daughter. Show their name (okay... it's chrysanthemama? and link and leave them a comment (I will) informing they were prized with ‘Honest Weblog’. List [if you can and/or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on.

Okay... ten honest things about myself. Do they have to be honest things that I haven't already told you? Like, can't I just say I love coffee? Okay, I will try new ones.

1. I don't know much about bloggy things. I want to learn but I haven't taken the time to practice and figure it all out. So, I really do settle for mediocre. I know...that's not a very exciting truth thing. I'll try to get increasingly more interesting with the rest of these. AND even though I put spaces in between these lines, I hit "preview" on blogger and it showed no spaces. So, I added more spaces and it showed too many spaces. So, I deleted them all and now I have no spaces. What the heck is that????

2. I love being home alone. Don't get me wrong. I love my family. my kids. my husband. But, there is something about being home all by myself that is so relaxing and free.

3. I don't have many secrets. I am what you see. Oh...don't get me wrong. I have evil thoughts from time to time and often open my mouth more than I should. Probably way more than I know. But, I don't have a lot of hang-ups and secrets and shockingly misunderstood personality disorders or anthing. Hence, this really boring list of truths.

4. I sometimes swear. Okay... strike #3.... I can't count that because in some people's eyes, this might be a big secret. I might have just told you something you don't know about me. I know it's bad. I do. But, there are times that the word "Junk" just doesn't describe what you're going through in life like the alternative swear word. And "darn it" just doesn't do justice to what is inside my heart. And the thing is ... sometimes I feel bad, and sometimes I don't.

5. Life is hard right now. There are a lot of changes in our lives and a lot of big things that we are either going through or praying for others through. But... God is good. And I have grown more in my faith in Jesus in the past year than any single year in my entire Christian life. That's the truth. I recently talked to a complete stranger and he said "don't you find that in those valleys, God miraculously pulls you up and you find that you have grown closer to Him than any other time in life?". I agreed. emphatically.

6. I love my husband. We've been married for 20 years. He is the only man I have ever loved. He is the only man I ever will love.

7. I worry. I know I shouldn't. I believe God is bigger than anything the world has that is fearful. But, I still worry. I worry about things like the economy and money and if Starbucks will go out of business and that something bad will happen to my girls. I worry when I haven't talked to the oldest girls for a couple days and I hope that something hasn't happened to them and nobody told me. I hear ambulances drive by when I am at work and I check to see what direction they are going and then I mentally check which direction my loved ones are at and even sometimes call them to talk to them to make sure they are okay. I know... .that's dumb. But, it's truth so it counts here.

8. My heart aches for Mel and Amie. No...literally bleeds actually. Aches isn't strong enough. They have both lost loved ones in the past year. Mel, her brother, and Amie, her baby. I can't even fathom their pain. I have never lost someone close to me like that and I know that someday I might (I often pray that Jesus will return and take us all to heaven before that because I don't know if I can handle it). But, just the mere thought of one of my children or brother Todd dying is enough to make me cry. And I do. Often. Just ask my husband. He always says it's dumb of me to mourn before they die, but I can't help it.

9. I cry. At lots of things. And here's the truth. I grew up in an alcoholic family. And as a teenager, I became very hardened to loss and pain and hurt. I tried to shut off tears. And I did it successfully for a lot of years. But, a woman (who has now gone to be with Jesus) named Becky was a pastor's wife. She had the most tender heart I have ever seen and would cry at a things. I admired her heart of love for people and I began to pray that God would give me a tender heart to care for people ... a heart that was not hard, but make me someone who could feel... and mourn... and cry. I'm not an emotional person really. I don't have mood swings. But, God answered that prayer. And today, I am a cry-er. No... I don't cry at everything. I don't cry at that "time of the month", I don't get overly cry-ish. But, when something hurts, I cry.

10. I love almonds. The raw kind. I wrote so many deep truths, I can't bring myself to write one more sappy thing so I'm saying I love almonds for #10.

11. Because I can't count #3, I have to do 11. I don't exercise enough. Okay, that's a half-truth. At all. But, I'm starting. Just last night I actually got on the elliptical machine for 7 minutes (and yes, I exercised, not just stand on it this time). You laugh... but 7 minutes is hard work people!!!