some things aren’t meant to be photographed

Lately,  I’ve been messing up a lot with my camera.  I have been absent-mindedly deleting pictures before I save them… or not taking them when I think I am … or other bizarre photography behavior!

This morning, I was holding my granddaughter and she gave me the biggest smile.  It was absolutely beautiful.  I could barely see the dimple on her cheek form and the sparkle in her eyes.  It was one of those moments that I couldn’t wait to get to know her and she what her personality will be.  Instantly, of course, my reaction is to want to grab my camera.  I resisted.

Yesterday, my mom called to tell me that someone I don’t know died.  As she described the event, my mind raced back to when Shawn’s grandmother passed away.

We had been called and told that she wasn’t doing very well.  We went to the nursing home she was living at the time.  We went to her bedside and kissed her frail cheeks and held her thin hands.  Her eyes were closed, but I knew that even if they were open, they would be glass-like. 

Not knowing what else to do, we gathered around her bed and took some deep breaths.  We began to pray.  We prayed for her comfort, thanked God for her long life and the lives she touched.  As we opened our eyes, and ended our prayer, it was only a few moments later and someone said “she’s gone”.  Passed from this life to eternity in a moment.  We don’t have any photos of Leola during this time in her life.

I don’t need photos for these memories.  They are deeply etched into my mind.  They are always there.  Smells I can smell just by closing my eyes.  Sounds I can hear in the distance in an instant.

There are many of them. My wedding day. The birth of my children. Riding bike with my friend Chris in high school. Kissing my husband.  Sitting under the deck in the rain storm. Talking with the girls late at night. Watching my daughters dance. … and many many more.

Yes, photos are important.  I take tons of them.  But, they are to share with others.  The things that God desires for me to experience, He etches in the camera of my mind, never to be edited or deleted.